Following is a list of frequently asked questions....or rather, questions that I imagine would be asked frequently, if I was ever asked questions period. But, humor my delusions while I list them out here:
Q: Why don't you post on a more regular basis?
A: Because I'm easily distracted and sidetracked. I sometimes have multiple things going on at once and I have to prioritize them by two categories: Things that will potentially generate income, and Things that will keep up the illusion that I'm a responsible adult, like housework and gardening. Unfortunately for right now, this blog accomplishes neither. I do promise that month long gaps will be rare, and that I try to post every week to two weeks on average depending on other life factors.
Q: I demand more regularly scheduled posts! Preferably daily!
A: Shoot me an email detailing your request and I will send you my paypal information and a contract so we can set up some sort of salary agreement, something in the five to six figure range, ideally. You pay, I write.
Q: Why do some of your drawings look awesome and some look like they were drawn with your feet?
A: Because they are. No, really, I try to illustrate all visual points of my stories and ramblings, but some things inspire more effort from me than others. That, and I don't want to bore people *and* myself with only one method of illustrating a story.
Q: What's with the meatball head character?
A: That's me, as I see myself, in cartoon form.
Q: Do you really look like that?
A: Sometimes. The only discernible difference is I draw my boobs slightly bigger. Wish fulfillment, ya know.
Q: Are all your stories true?
A: For now, yes. I draw most of my inspiration for writing from actual events. Sometimes I embellish childhood stories just a little with minor details to fill in the gaps left behind by the black hole in my brain.
Q: Do you ever intend to do this full time and/or make money with your blog?
A: First and foremost, you won't see any ads on my blog. Ever. I find them vile and annoying and an insult to most peoples intelligence. Perhaps down the road I may attempt to monetize in some manner, but I don't have any delusions of grandeur. Some people can fully support themselves with merchandise sales from their blogs and other writing projects, but those people also have upwards of 300,000 regular readers. I have 15 followers that I'm aware of. Do the math.
Q: What do you do for a living?
A: I don't. If not for my manperson, I would be the poster child for the literal "starving artist." Once in a blue, blue moon I get commissions, but not nearly enough to consider it a self sustaining profession. You can help remedy that situation by visiting [My Portfolio] and recommending me to anyone you know who is looking for ANY kind of digital artwork, like portraits and illustrations and even paintings. That, or you can pay me to write more blog posts. No? Eh, it was worth a shot.
Q: What are your plans for the future?
A: After stockpiling food and ammo for the impending zombie apocalypse, I'd like to write a book or three. Generally, there are two types of authors: those who write books, and those who talk about that book they're going to write someday. Currently, I belong to the latter group. That is another situation I intend to remedy after I've gained a little experience and exposure.
Q: Why don't you have, you know, a real job?
A: I have several reasons (you can call them excuses, if you're an asshole). First off, being bipolar has its setbacks. Working with a lot of people (customers and coworkers alike) leaves me in a really bad mental playground of instability, despite medication. Also, if you haven't noticed, the economy kind of sucks. I do my fair share of application filling and interviewing when I find job openings that look promising, but alas, nobody wants me.
Q: Why the cracks on religion? Don't you think it's rude?
A: It's not bigotry when you pick on everybody equally. I don't single out one religion to hate on. I think the whole concept of using ones own self-confirming holy book to prove their religion superior is a bit like saying Lucky Charms cereal truly is "magically delicious" because it says so on the box.
Q: What do you think of camels?
A: Two humps are better than one. :)
Have questions of your own that you'd like to add to the stockpile? Ask away.
But Lucky Charms ARE magically delicious...Oh...And the "My Portfolio" link, is a form of advertisement. :0)
ReplyDeleteAh, you may think so...but were you entirely sold on Lucky Charms *because* the box told you they were magically delicious? And, does this make you deem all other cereals to taste like brimstone and hellfire?
ReplyDeleteTechnically, my entire blog is one big advertisement...it just doesn't generate income right now. And since the portfolio link is to another one of my sites, *from* my own site, it's hardly dragging away "customers" who would already be at least semi interested anyway. I simply meant that I won't resort to using Google Adsense or any other form of advertising to generate income based on clicks.